since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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