I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize