On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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