Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
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