So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
When are your genitals available?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
