the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
