none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
This girl is more easily done than said...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
