He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
