Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
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Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize