saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
