No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
