I'm gonna have a badass scar
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
