I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
