Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
