On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
