would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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