I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i wish my penis had a tongue
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
