just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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