I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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