So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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