yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
