Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
