i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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