OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he told me I talked like a deaf person
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
