I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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