I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
