hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
