where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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