i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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