It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
