Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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