If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
