Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
