I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
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