I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
