I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
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she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression