She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
