Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
