I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
