so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
