just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
