We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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