youre lurking in front of me
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
