i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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