just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
it hurts more in the daytime
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
