Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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