Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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