We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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