Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
