take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
