I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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