She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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