Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Randomize
