Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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