I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
