i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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