They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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