when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
