We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
