obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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