My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
