I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
