Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
