I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
