too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
