So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
