Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
