its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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