so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
