I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
