shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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