a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
