i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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