she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you will always have a special place in my vag
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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