I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize