my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
