I want to walk on stilts...naked
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
