I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
