i think i have herpe
just one?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
