Swine flu. Run for my life!
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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