took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
