what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
