I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
