her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
