I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you would pick up someone in the library
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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