he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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