She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
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