Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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