I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
