Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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