Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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