Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I have feelings that need drinking.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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