if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Randomize
